You Know You're in Tarlac City When...

1. You're in the car and traffic starts to get really slow due to the beeline of trucks carrying tons of sugarcane running at an illegally low speed of 30 kph in MacArthur Highway. This happens around November to March. Depending on how prayerful you are, traffic speed starts to drop when you're in the northern end of Capas, and persists to somewhere in Tarlac City depending on whether or not you were a good boy/or girl when you were little.
2. You walk downtown and people rudely stare at you if you're wearing one of or combination of the following:
a. tube top, or blouse with low/plunging neckline.
b. "pepe" shorts.
c. loud hair color/big, unruly hair do.
d. graphic tattoo spread to more than 20% of your skin.
e. you're ridiculously good looking (if you fall under this category, don't be surprised if someone asks for your autograph or requests to have a photo taken beside you).
3. You and your friends want to have a "night-out" and realize there's not too many to choose from.
4. You see a Yellow Cab restaurant without a single customer.
5. You enter into a "mall" and in 10 minutes, you've seen every store.
6. You can't find a Kenny Roger's, Burger King, Wendy's, or Quickly.
7. You dine in a Razon's and the food actually ROCKS (compared to the franchise stores in Metro Manila).
8. You drive northward from Manila, to Pampanga, then after a few minutes
a. the atmosphere is not that polluted.
b. at night time, you look up to the sky and you can actually see stars. A lot of stars.
c. at around 9 o'clock in the evening, about 80% of the population is sound asleep.